I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
