Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize