I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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