There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
