I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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