Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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