Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
