I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
