I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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