Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
