I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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