***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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