Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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