Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
