Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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