Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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