Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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