Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
