I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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