I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
