im gay
i know
yea but for you.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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