She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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