Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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