I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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