I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Randomize
