a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
