I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
