My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
