I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
