She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
