I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
