he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
A+ Viking dick
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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