A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
