she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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