Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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