i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
