There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
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You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Floor bacon is actually really good
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