then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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