In the future we'll all be gay
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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