I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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