Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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