I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
