I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's shark week go big or go home
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
