But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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