You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
