Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
