I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
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I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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