Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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