I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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