He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
