Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
