I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
