Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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