I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
