remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
