Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
