I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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