I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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