my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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