Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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