i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
