We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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