i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize
