i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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