Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
