I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
