Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
