Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
