Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
