Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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