You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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