Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
