ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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