maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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