your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
